Whenever I ask people why they persist in seeking validation, whether it’s about who they are, their behaviour, or a situation, they tell me that they don’t feel that they could be objective about things.
The argument is that they might be prejudiced by their own beliefs or too ‘in’ something to see it clearly and due to not valuing their own judgement or even themselves enough, it also means that even when they don’t trust themselves.
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This isn’t to say that you should ignore everyone and never listen to anything, but what it does mean is that your feelings, thoughts, and actions have validity and ultimately need to be directed by you. You’ve also got to stop believing that everyone else is right…as long as they agree with your unhealthy beliefs.
Genuine feedback is two-way whereas seeking validation is one-way as you’ve already made up your mind but are just seeking confirmation. When you don’t know who you are or think you do, but it’s based on being your harshest critic, it can seem foreign to evaluate you, to judge a situation, or even judge another person’s actions.
Don't even bother checking your Snapchat after graduation ends.
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It’s one thing to seek feedback but feedback becomes seeking validation when you won’t listen to yourself and use your own eyes and ears. Baggage Reclaim is a guide to learning to live and love with self-esteem by breaking the patterns that stand in your way.
Ultimately, seeking validation is like saying “Tell me who I am! Whether it's figuring out what’s going on in a troubling relationship, understanding you and self-care, or being more assertive, I’m here to help you guide you.
You’ll receive ‘feedback’ and even if you that it’s not entirely true or very influenced by what that person gains by ‘positioning’ and portraying you in a certain light, that unwillingness to listen to yourself, to make judgements, to process feedback and to work out what can be kept and discarded, means that you’ll go ahead and agree with them while privately grumbling or feeling aggrieved at the injustice of their assessment.
A very common example of this is when you already believe that you have flaws that ‘scare’ people away and then you become interested in someone.